Only Darkness Still Remains
by Kitalene Crimson
Summary: Reaction fic to 4x04 "The Break-Up". Blaine feels terrible about what he did to Kurt. When he gets a call from a hospital in New York, his already bleak world becomes a nightmare. Spoilers for 4x04, obviously.
1. 1

Only Darkness Still Remains

* * *

"Kurt, please talk to me. It's been four days, I need to hear your voice. I know I did a terrible thing, the absolute worst thing I could have done, and I can't blame you if you never want to speak to me again. But please, can we try to work through this? I love you. Only you. I made the stupidest mistake I will ever make in my life. I would break up with me if I were you, but I know you're better than that. I know that you'll try and save our relationship because... we were happy, weren't we? We can still save _us, _Kurt. So... give me a call, or just text, please. Even if it's to tell me you never want to see me again. I just need to know that you're listening. I love you, Kurt. Goodbye..."

Blaine ended the voicemail and wiped away his tears.

This had been going on ever since Blaine had left New York, since he had told Kurt what he'd done. Kurt hadn't spoken to him since he'd run away from Blaine, crying his eyes out.

Blaine hated himself. He'd done the one thing he never thought he'd do: cheat on Kurt. Cheating on Kurt was like throwing away a flawless diamond for a dirty old rock.

Seeing Kurt with tears in those perfect blue eyes had killed Blaine. Ever since, he'd been leaving Kurt voicemails, texts, notes and flowers, trying to make things right. Because his and Kurt's relationship was special, and it was worth saving... wasn't it?

Blaine knew he had to go to school, but he'd skipped the past few days. He knew that it wasn't a good or healthy thing to do, but he just couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle Glee Club and their well-meaning but prying questions, he couldn't handle Mr. Schue's pitying eyes, he couldn't handle Ms. Pillsbury's soft invitations for a counselling session.

The fact of the matter was, Blaine couldn't function correctly without Kurt there, or at least the loving, reassuring tones of his voice. And when he got too lonely, when he spent too much time without Kurt, he became lost... so lost.

* * *

That night, he lay on his bed, desperately trying to stop the flow of tears. His mother had worn a shirt that reminded him of Kurt, sending Blaine into near-hysterics for two hours.

He hugged his pillow, wishing more than anything that it was the boy he loved... but it wasn't. It might never be again.

Blaine sobbed loudly at the thought, burying his head into the soft pillow. What had he done?

As he soaked his pillow with tears, his phone began to ring. Blaine grabbed it in record time, hoping against hope that it would be Kurt, calling to forgive him and say those three magic words.

_"I love you."_

When Blaine finally worked up the courage to look at the screen, his hope died.

It wasn't Kurt. It was a number he didn't recognize. Blaine sighed and answered the phone anyway, closing his eyes in an effort to stop crying.

"Hello?" Blaine's voice was thick with tears, but wasn't unintelligible.

"Are you Blaine Anderson?"

"Yes... who's this?"

"This is Lenox Hill Hospital. Do you know a Mr. Kurt Hummel?"

Blaine gasped involuntarily, not believing what he was hearing. "Yes, I know him. What happened?"

"Mr. Hummel was in a car accident earlier this evening. His condition is stable, but he is on life support. You were first on his speed dial, so we called."

"Okay..." Blaine gripped a lock of his hair, unsure what to do.

"I'm on my way."

* * *

Almost eleven hours later, Blaine was waiting outside the hospital for it to open. His face was streaked with dried tears and his nails were bitten down to the cuticles. He had been repeating those words for the whole drive.

_"Mr. Hummel was in a car accident earlier this evening."_

The hospital was due to open in fifteen minutes. Blaine paced in front of the door, ignoring the strange looks he received.

_"His condition is stable, but he is on life support."_

Life support. That beautiful, perfect, shining star was only alive because of a machine. What if the machine failed? What if there was a power outage? Blaine felt literally sick.

Ten minutes.

_"You were first on his speed dial..."_

Blaine had never known that. He'd always assumed that Kurt's father, or even Rachel would be first. Oddly enough, this revelation gave Blaine some small happiness. He felt loved, knowing that he was Kurt's number one, even after their fight.

Five minutes.

Were they officially broken up? Blaine didn't know. Everything had been left in an ambiguous state, with Kurt ignoring Blaine completely.

The doors opened, and Blaine raced in, almost knocking over the nurse that had opened the doors. He was panting by the time he reached the front desk.

"Mr... Kurt... Hummel?"

The receptionist looked bemused. "Um, are you family?"

"Does- does boyfriend count?"

The receptionist narrowed her eyes and sneered. "Of course not. I suggest you leave, unless you have a family member or a _girlfriend _you want to see."

_Oh great, _Blaine thought. _A homophobe._

"Oh, pipe down, Ida!" A young blonde nurse called out, causing Blaine to turn around. "Seriously, go get a coffee, or a cyanide pill, or something."

Blaine was still devastated about Kurt, but he had to suppress a laugh at the nurse's comment.

The young woman finally noticed Blaine, smiling at him. "Go and see your boyfriend, honey. Room 287, on the fourth floor. And if anyone protests, tell them that Nurse Courtney Spires gave permission." With that, Nurse Courtney Spires stepped into an elevator and left.

Blaine got into another elevator, pressing the button with a 4 on it. He waited, wracked with fear and loneliness. When the doors opened, he wandered through the corridors like a zombie, terrified of what he might find in Room 287.

_263... 265... 267..._

Blaine started to imagine horrible scenarios.

_269... 271... 273..._

What if Kurt was dead?

_275... 277..._

What if he was awake, but hated Blaine? What if he kicked Blaine out?

_279... 281..._

What if Kurt broke up with Blaine?

_283..._

What if he never wanted to see Blaine again?

_285..._

Blaine shook his head. He had to face whatever was in that room. He had to see Kurt, had to apologize and cry and tell Kurt that he was Blaine's one and only, and that the incident with Eli would never, _never _happen again.

_287. Here we go._

* * *

Blaine reached up and grasped the door handle. This was it. When he opened this door, whatever happened afterwards would define him for the rest of his life. He could lose his love forever, or take the first step towards mending their relationship.

He took a deep breath and opened the door.

When Blaine caught sight of Kurt, he let out a sigh.

Kurt was asleep. He had no visible injuries, but obviously wasn't okay. He was hooked up to all kinds of machines, each doing their part to keep the perfect porcelain boy breathing. They all had their own sounds, but the loudest was a heart monitor, beeping about once a second. Kurt's heartbeat, regulated and controlled, not independent.

Blaine stood there for a long time, just staring at Kurt's peaceful face. Kurt was always so composed and focussed, it was beautiful and refreshing to see him this way, sweet and untroubled. That expression seemed to be getting rarer on Kurt.

When Blaine did move, it was only to sit on a chair by Kurt's bedside. After another few minutes of staring, he lightly brushed Kurt's hand with his own. It was cool and unresponsive. Blaine grasped his love's hand, holding it in both of his own.

"Kurt," Blaine whispered. "Kurt. Please, wake up and talk to me. I know I did a terrible thing, terrible doesn't even begin to cover it. I just feel so bad about it, I've never felt worse. If I could turn back time and stop myself from straying, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Please, just give me one more chance. I won't disappoint you. I know you're really busy with work, and it isn't your fault that you can't talk to me as often as you used to."

"When we're older and both in New York, it'll be different. There, I can see a world where... we have a future. We can get married and adopt kids and have careers and... just live. And it'll be so unimaginably better if we can be together for that, loving and trusting each other completely."

"I know it'll take a while for me to earn your trust again, Kurt. Maybe you can't ever trust me again, and that's your decision. This whole mess is one hundred percent my fault, so don't ever try to blame yourself. Understand?"

"I love you, Kurt Hummel, and I will do whatever it takes to make this okay again." Blaine leaned down and kissed Kurt's hand, then moved to his mouth. He kept the kiss entirely chaste, as Kurt still wasn't conscious. Blaine rested his forehead against Kurt's, and whispered in his ear.

"I don't want this to be the end."

Blaine was met with one of the last things he would have expected. Brilliant blue eyes met Blaine's hazel, and Kurt's other hand rose to stroke Blaine's hair.

"Blaine... I l-"

Kurt's eyes widened, and he seized up. The heart monitor began beeping out of control, and tears began to flow from Blaine's eyes.

"No... Kurt, don't... it's okay, it's okay!" He hit a button to summon a doctor, tears clouding his vision.

The team of white-coated doctors burst into the room to see Kurt shaking, heart impossibly fast, and a hysterical Blaine with his arms wrapped around Kurt.

The head doctor made a few gestures, and the team set to work. Three doctors rushed to Kurt's bedside, and three lifted Blaine off Kurt, ignoring the shorter boy's screaming and thrashing, trying to escape the doctors and get back to Kurt.

The trio attempted to hustle Blaine out of the room, but it was too late. They all froze when they heard the piercing screech of a flatline.

Kurt's heart wasn't beating.

Blaine was completely frozen. He couldn't move, couldn't speak. He was barely breathing. A single doctor snapped out of the trance, and hurried Blaine out the door. Before it closed, Blaine heard the head doctor issue a command to the doctors.

"Hurry up, we can still save him! Wilson, bring me that-"

The door shut behind Blaine, cutting off all sound, except for the unbearable sound of the heart monitor.

* * *

Blaine couldn't think. He just walked past all the doors, to the elevator. He pressed a button and arrived at the ground floor. He left the hospital, got in his car, and checked into a hotel.

In the hotel room, he finally let a thought come through.

_"We can still save _us, _Kurt."_

_"Hurry up, we can still save him!"_

Could they really? Was there a point of no return, where the broken stayed broken? If so, how close were they to it?

Blaine didn't let himself think any more. If he continued, he was going to cry, and he'd cried enough for a lifetime. Instead, he curled up on the hotel bed.

He couldn't worry about anything. He couldn't worry about Kurt, or their relationship. He couldn't worry about how he'd left his family without a note, he couldn't worry about skipping school or Glee Club.

He just wanted to sleep. To have a blissful few hours where nothing really mattered, where anything could happen. Where Kurt was healthy and happy, and so in love with Blaine. Where Blaine deserved that love.

Blaine finally fell asleep, tired and without closure.

* * *

I guess I could write a sequel if you _really _wanted it. The problem is, I don't know if you want it. So review!


	2. Denial

Warning: there is potentially slight trigger material ahead. I don't want to spoil, so please scroll to the bottom if you feel that you may be triggered by anything.

* * *

_Stage One: Denial_

* * *

When Blaine woke up, he was disoriented for a moment. Where was he? Where was his bedroom?

After a second, it all came flooding back. Kurt, the hospital, New York, _everything._ Blaine tried to focus, to think, but the music was just too loud to-

_Music?_

Blaine blinked, his focus sharpening just a little. His second favourite song of all time was playing- "Bad Influence" by P!nk. It was light, it was fun, and it had no connection to Kurt whatsoever. It was also his ringtone. Wait, his ringtone? Was his phone ringing?

He picked up the cell phone, answering it.

"Hello?"

"Are you Blaine Anderson?" A familiar voice asked.

"Yes... who's this?"

"This is Lenox Hill Hospita-"

The voice was cut off by Blaine's yelling.

"KURT! Is he okay? Is he alive? Oh My God, what happened?"

The voice continued, without any sign of irritation. "This is Lenox Hill Hospital. Do you know a Mr. Kurt Hummel?"

"Yes," Blaine told the voice, almost in tears. "Yes, I do. Is he okay?"

"As you know, Mr. Hummel was admitted to the hospital after a serious car crash, requiring life support. During your visit, his heart failed."

"Is that-is that what happened?"

"Yes." Blaine realised how emotionless the voice was. "Mr. Hummel was treated by several doctors, but they were unable to resuscitate him."

"You mean... you mean he's..." He couldn't get the last word out. If he said it, if he thought it, it would become real. And it couldn't be real, it just couldn't.

"I'm afraid so," and the voice was finally showing some emotion, some _compassion, _"and we've already contacted his family. I know what it's like to lose a loved one, Blaine."

When Blaine didn't reply, the voice continued. "My twin brother died when he was just seven. We both had leukemia, and... I was the only one to survive. I know it's not the same as losing a romantic partner, but after losing someone so close to you... well, there are no words."

"I didn't lose him," Blaine whispered into the phone.

"I'm sorry? I didn't quite catch that."

Blaine repeated himself, a little louder. "I didn't lose him. I hear about hospitals making mistakes. Kurt's not gone, someone else is. I'm going to visit Kurt right now."

With that, he hung up the phone and started looking for his jacket.

A few miles away, a young woman stared at the unresponsive phone.

* * *

Blaine made it to the hospital in record time, almost getting run over at least twice. He didn't even care, there was only one thing on his mind.

As he raced through the doors, eerily similar to the day before, he almost collided with someone standing in the lobby.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Blaine turned around to face the person, getting a shock.

It was none other than Burt Hummel.

A few seconds after this revelation, Blaine realised that Burt's eyes were red and full of tears, that his usual easygoing smile had vanished, that his whole posture spoke of defeat, misery, _loss._

"Mr. Hummel... you got a call too?"

Burt seemed to focus on Blaine, tearing up even more. "Yeah... hi, Blaine."

"You don't need to worry, Mr. Hummel. They made a mistake, Kurt's fine."

If Blaine had been confident and relieved when he spoke, smiling, Burt might have believed him. As it was, his voice was shaky, cracking several times. It would have been obvious to anyone that Blaine was in denial. He was trying to convince himself that Kurt was okay, because he just couldn't cope with any other possibility.

Burt knew it well. He had gone through the same stage when he'd lost his first wife, Kurt's mother. Thinking about it, Burt felt even worse for Blaine. He and Elizabeth had been blessed with ten years of love, Kurt and Blaine didn't even get two. And devastated as Burt had been, he was an adult, and honestly, he'd known it would happen for quite some time.

He couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose his love at just eighteen, especially in such an unexpected way. Blaine was strong, even in his denial.

"Kurt's probably sleeping, Mr. Hummel." Blaine pulled Burt's attention back to the present with a quiet spoken sentence. "So we can visit, but we need to be quiet. After all, he's just had quite a scare with his heart, but he's okay. Kurt's okay."

Burt shot a sad glance at Blaine. "Call me Burt, kid."

* * *

Blaine took the elevator up to Kurt's room, with Burt following. The older man knew that when Blaine realised Kurt wasn't coming back, Blaine would need someone to comfort him. And as far as he knew, Blaine's parents sure as hell weren't stepping up.

Blaine skimmed across the door numbers, remembering that he was looking for 287.

_279... 281... 283... 285... There!_

He opened the door slowly and quietly, anxious not to wake Kurt. To emphasise his point, he turned around and put a finger across his own lips, the universal gesture for silence.

Burt knew what Blaine would find on the other side of that door. He just hoped it wouldn't destroy the young man with curls in his hair and sparkle in his eyes.

Burt felt like he'd gotten through his grief well. He'd never be the same person he was before losing Elizabeth, but he hadn't been broken. All because of Kurt... because Burt had a little boy who relied on him, who needed him, but was still strong in his own way.

He'd had the privilege of watching Kurt grow into a man, a talented, ambitious, good-hearted man with so much to offer the world. Now, his light had been extinguished at just nineteen, before he'd even lived. How was that fair? How could that ever be fair?

It took a few seconds for Blaine to fully register what had changed in the room. It was just as white and impersonal as always, with the same bed and light and machines-

No, the machines had disappeared. Did that mean Kurt didn't need them anymore? That was when Blaine saw it.

Kurt wasn't there. The room was empty, void of any sign that Kurt had occupied it.

Burt was anticipating several different reactions, but Blaine shrugging and smiling wasn't one of them.

"It's okay, they must have moved him to another room! It's okay."

Burt realised that Blaine seemed to say _it's okay _a lot. Like he was trying to convince himself more than anyone else.

* * *

Blaine sought out a nurse, hoping to find Kurt. Unfortunately, the first few nurses were occupied with something else, and Blaine didn't want to disrupt them. Finally, he came across a nurse that didn't seem too busy.

"Excuse me, do you know where I can find Kurt Hummel? He used to be in Room 287, but I think he was moved."

Burt watched the nurse's expression change from confusion to recognition to heartbreaking pity.

"Oh, didn't you hear, honey? Kurt Hummel died just a few hours ago."

Blaine could barely hear, something was roaring in his ears. It had been easy to deny what had happened to Kurt when no one said it out loud. But now the cover was blown, it was all out in the open.

Kurt wasn't coming back.

It _wasn't _okay.

* * *

Trigger Warning: Character Death

You're all going to hate me for this, aren't you? I guess I can handle that.


End file.
